Shameful Addictions – gambling, pornography
Shameful addictions are powerful habits that are not themselves illegal. The two that I often see are gambling, sex and Internet pornography.
Shameful addiction recovery works in the same way as all others
Shameful addictions, though not illegal need to be hidden away, in order that they can be indulged to the extent desired.
The common shameful addictions that I see are gambling, sex and pornography. Both are entirely undertaken by men.
For gambling, the risk is financial ruin. It often requires quite sophisticated and elaborate subterfuge and planning. This is to keep the financial cost secret, either from one’s parents or partner.
For sex and pornography, the cost is born by the primary partner relationship. And invariably, the underlying normally marriage relationship was previously under strain. This was made worse by the time and subterfuge taken to indulge the pornography.
The critical first part of recovery from shameful addictions such as gambling and pornography is to deal with the underlying life problems. This is whether these relate to the primary relationship or issues of work and meaning. And then it is necessary to demonstrate a degree of improvement, which in turn builds self-confidence and the desire for further change.
The second part of recovery from shameful addictions requires serious hypnotic work to shift the powerful patterns. These are of desire and temporary dopamine fuelled excitement. This in turn drives the shameful addictive behaviours. And further to investigate whether there are sources of difficulties that go way back – including past trauma.
There is little doubt also that those engaged in shameful addictive behaviours are very open to understanding at a deep level exactly how their behaviours have developed and begun to destroy the essence of their lives.
And of course, this makes sense as of all the addictions that I deal with and which are covered in this website, shameful addictions are almost entirely psychological. There is no physical consumption of a substance or liquid of any kind. But like most addictions, enormous effort is expended to sustain it while the cost in terms of essential needs not met, can be very high.
So where are you on the road to your gambling/pornography cessation?
Pre-contemplation: Before you know you have a problem
Contemplation: Yes, maybe you do have a problem
Determination: a decision is taken – something has to change
Action: You do something about it
Maintenance: There is real effort to stick with it
Relapse: You learn that any (likely) slip is not a disaster but a staging point on the road to complete cessation.
Shameful Addiction treatment: the Four stages to change:
Building control and empowerment by getting needs better met – working indirectly in this way you will be taking the right kind of action that will speed up the maintenance phase and minimise the disruption of the relapses. The addiction, arising out of behaviour which at the beginning was moderate, would have reflected a life that was not working in some way. This could have been in response to a crisis – at work or family perhaps – or something more deep-seated concerning basic safety and security, relationships and work and meaning. Auditing needs then and now will be important.
The secret is not to rush into complete shameful addiction cessation. Rather it is to set objectives that make sense and work in a way that does add to the pressure but in fact relieves it.
The identification and clearing of an unhelpful emotional response – triggered by a past event or set of experiences. To draw the timeline – your relationship with shameful addictions through good times and bad.
Practising relaxation and self-awareness. General relaxation can help, as awareness grows, while in a relaxed state, rehearsal can be undertaken of particular trigger situations.
The Cuckoo in the nest
Why are addictions so hard to beat
The stages of quitting
Recovery path in outline
Your addiction Time Line
How may I help you?