Anger is a natural human response to situations which we find threatening. But if these anger responses are frequent and inappropriate, then we have a problem. Is that true for you?
In which case I can help you – by explaining what might be going on for you, by quietening down the inappropriate anger response and by teaching you tools and techniques that will work. You can get your point across and be able to listen attentively to the other.
What is anger?
The anger response can be an exciting and powerfully appealing response that can easily take on addictive qualities – and so become a real anger issue. In any event, you are spending far too much time being emotionally hi-jacked.
In these cases (and paralleling the anxiety response), the anger can take hold and make life worse – through damaged relationships mainly. The consequence will then be a loss of anger control. This will then raise stress levels which risk further anger outbursts and a life that works even less well.
So anger issues are about emotional unraveling which is the same as for pretty well every other mental problem.
Real Anger Management
- Investigate the source and motivation of the anger issues. If necessary, decouple unconscious responses using trance.
- Develop a better relationship with the anger – not too welcoming, but accepting in its right place.
- Find new ways of thinking, relaxing and visualising – that build control and confidence.
- Be primed and confident to take action to make necessary life changes.
One – finding the anger source Is the response primarily the reflection of disempowerment and a lack of control because life is not now working well? OR triggered by a trauma from the past (such as abuse or neglect) OR an addictive habit that is motivated by feelings of control and power OR a deeper pattern – a molar memory. We know that an anger outburst can be very satisfying and it could be that a childhood anger experience of satisfaction and power is being played out unconsciously – a molar or hidden memory.
Two – decoupling using trance (if required) – Rewind will be useful if there is trauma. The de-traumatisation will means that the anger will no longer be necessary. The anger can be put in a more useful place – as a friend that can be called upon in emergencies.If the pattern is a deeper molar memory then again trance can be helpful in allowing the anger issues and motivation to be let go, as inappropriate and childish.Trance may also have a part to play in more indirect means of neutralising patterns – read the anger stories as an example of metaphorical trance words to use in trance
Three – making use of different ways to see and reframe the anger. Such as Externalising – finding a name for the anger experience and realise it is just a pattern match – a strong emotion which floods your rational decision centres. You do this when you are accessing your Observing self Be less surprised and shocked by the antics of others – understand instead.Notice the triggers along the road to losing it. Learn to turn back and away from that line in the sand before it is too late.Notice the exceptions and how you managed them.
Four – getting Needs better met As anger is typically a response to feelings of disempowerment or of being out of control – then we are clearly talking of needs not well met. Undertaking a Needs Audit and then problem solving to improve the balance of a life has to be part of anger resolution. Practicing tools of relaxation and self awareness are often important also. General relaxation can help as well as awareness work (while in a relaxed state) and trance rehearsal – to neutralise particular trigger situations and the rehearsal of better behaviours and responses.Anger management is very popular now – but for most people with anger problems, such management courses can only scratch the surface. This is because anger management does not correct the psychological causes of anger – which as we have seen can vary from person to person.
But anger problems are resolvable – of that there is no doubt. What do you believe is the source of your anger problem?