When is talking about your problems the last thing you should do?

In my experience as a healer of depression, pretty well everyone I see comes to me with a head full up to overflowing and talking seems to be the answer.

You are going over and over in your mind the same possible options open to you – in your job, in your finances, in your personal life or whatever it is. And nothing is decided or ever resolved. And sooner or later you will be blaming yourself and pointing to your terrible weaknesses and deficiencies that have been uniquely bestowed on you and just you. And for all of these, you may well have constructed complex and elaborate explanations for why this is – it was your childhood, your parents, your self destructive tendencies, your addictive personality, your terrible luck or what you deserved.

Now if this does make sense to you, am I also right to say that part of you is desperate to unload all of this, by speaking about it – either to friends and family or to a professional counsellor of some kind? You desperately hope that this will clear your mind or at the very least, relieve some of the pressure?

But, there is something you need to know – that talking is the last thing you should do.  And perhaps you have already discovered that. Perhaps you have talked at length – and have discovered that this does not help. Well possibly at the beginning – but that is all. And sometimes talking about what is going on actually makes you feel worse?

The reason why this is the case is not hard to understand.

Just recall what human givens says depression is all about.  A depression is the exhaustion caused by worrying and ruminating too much.  Depression is an exhausted brain that is dreaming too much in a failing attempt to clear all of the exhaustion and over worrying.

This means that depressed people are trapped in their thoughts and emotions and quite naturally they want to begin talking – to unload to any who might listen. But this will only give short-term relief and could in fact just feed the rumination as fuel feeds a flame.  Yes there will be real problems to sort out – but before even attempting to sort them out, your head needs to be in a much better shape.

Talking about Depression – its like a twisted ankle

What I tell my clients is that recovery from depression need be no harder than from a twisted ankle.  Imagine someone who twisted their ankle and, being desperately concerned that she might never walk again, keeps walking and walking, even though this was making her ankle even worse.  What would you say to her? It would surely be to say to her that she should rest it and to only begin walking again when the ankle was stronger.  The same applies to depression.  Calm you mind, worry less and only tackle your problems when your mind is fitter.

Just this week I have seen two new depressed clients – one a student who realised that his university course is not for him and another, an East European woman who is lonely and has just split up from her boyfriend.  Both are exhausted, over dreaming, full of feeling and emotions and terrified that however hard they try, their problems will be insoluble.

For both of these, I am saying the same thing.  To listen to my depression mp3, to read my posts on depression treatment, including case studies and testimonials until they really get it.  To take pressure off their brains, by finding small pleasures until they are feeling mentally stronger.  I am relaxing them with trance and visualisations and to impart some confidence to be patient until they are ready to sort out their problems. But until then and only then will I want them to tell me in any detail what their problems seem to be about.

The all important Depression Posts.

Get rid of Depression

The Twisted Ankle epidemic

Sleep can diagnose Depression vs Anxiety

Your Depression minimalist guide

Making sense of Depression symptoms

What is Depression?

Depression Test

Five Questions

Depression pessimists are wrong

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