My Big Idea: Understanding Human Givens with some great diagrams
Here you will find a simple way to understand why you feel and act as you do. It is my Feeling Better Spectrum – which simplifies everything down into a two dimensional space.
The vast majority of us are located somewhere on a spectrum between the one extreme of balance, resilience and living a life that is working pretty well to the opposite extreme of dysfunction, mental and emotional distress and chronic life crises.
Take a moment to look back on times in your past when your life was either better or worse than it is now. I think you will see that this spectrum idea makes a lot of sense. Were you at a different place on the spectrum? And we can all think of friends and family members and where they are right now – towards the balanced or dysfunctional end of this Feeling Better Spectrum?
You will know that your position on this spectrum is never fixed. We are always moving along it – sometimes towards emotional health and sometimes unfortunately in the other direction.
Do you get that sense of momentum and movement? That momentum does not just happen in football games or political campaigns. This sense of a vicious or virtuous cycle taking hold – where an event or response by you leads to a reaction that moves you further along the spectrum – in either direction of course.
What is then interesting (and you may have to take this on trust for the time being) is that when we are moving towards the dysfunctional end of the Feeling Better Spectrum, there are typical ways in which this will manifest – we either exhibit anxiety symptoms and behaviours or become depressed or cope by getting lost in addictive, obsessive and compulsive behaviours.
It comes down to emotions and needs
What I have discovered by my work with so many clients over the years is that there are two key control variables that will determine where each of us is on the spectrum at any moment and in what direction we are moving along it.
These are how well our life is working now (in terms of meeting essential emotional and physical Needs) and how well our resources are working to get these needs met.
And for most of us for most of the time, it is our emotional resources that are the most important – ie how well we use and can adapt and control our emotional templates (of anger, fear, dissatisfaction, pleasure, empathy and so on).
This diagram is designed to show how it works out. The two control variables – Needs and Emotions are shown on the two axes from which we can show four boxes.
Most of us most of the time will be in the central portion that goes from the bottom left of Dysfunction up to the top right of Balance. This is because how your emotions are working will have a big influence on how well your emotional needs are being met. Emotional control means that you are more able to live a life that works and the living of that life supports your emotional control – in the Balance Box But if your emotions flare up and are inappropriate, your life will not be working which will feed chaos and emotional instability.- in the Dysfunction Box.
And that central shape is where the Feeling Better Spectrum comes from – most of us are in the middle most of the time and rarely do we find ourselves outside it.
The two other boxes – Stretched and Vulnerable will be pretty empty but do indicate tendencies that we can all recognise. If our life is working well but our emotions are not well controlled, then we are vulnerable to being pushed off track .In other words we lack resilience. On the other hand, if our emotions are working well (i.e. controlled and moderate) but our life is not working well as a consequence of unfortunate external circumstances , then we will be highly stretched and the pressure could become too great to bear.
The Essence of my approach is straightforward
It is to move you along the Feeling Better Spectrum in the direction of Balance – by healing and strengthening your emotional resources and by helping you to use these to better get your essential needs met. This will then create a virtuous circle of positive momentum
It can be appreciated that these principles apply whether someone is enduring high stress, anxieties and depressive or addictive behaviours or wishes to attain greater life objectives and performance.
I am an experienced a successful healer and tuner of emotions
What do you expect from a garage when you take in your car? It is surely that it is returned to you quickly such that it will transport you safely and reliably to where you want to go. And why have you taken the car in, in the first place? You could be looking for a fault to be fixed, or for a regular service or for enhanced performance.
Our emotional responses (be they anger, fear, worry, sadness, guilt, jealousy, shame, disappointment, frustration, anticipation, pleasure, empathy and so) are as essential for us as an engine is for a car. How we use our emotions is vital for how well we can live our lives.
My main purpose is to heal your emotions – to damp down responses that make life more difficult, to allow you to use your emotions better in the service of a life that works and to help you to achieve great things.